"Everyday Cheapskate," Newspaper Enterprise Association, Mary Hunt, 7/27/05

This "disease" can certainly be costly…

I could never be a medical transcriptionist. My problem would be the symptoms and medical conditions. I'd have all of them.

Knowing this about myself, I wasn't all that surprised to end up with yet another condition after watching a recent episode of "Oprah" - the disease to please. I passed their little "Do You Have the Disease to Please?" self-diagnosis quiz with flying colors. Actually, I wouldn't expect anything less from myself.

The first questions: "Do you ever say YES when what you really want to say is NO?" Well of course I do-doesn't everyone? Or how about this one: "Is it extremely important to me to be liked by nearly everyone in my life?" Don't we all want to be liked? I whipped through that quiz in about 10 seconds flat, answering every question "yes," "yes," "yes," and "yes"!

I have to admit this need to please played a huge role in my own experiences with getting deeply into debt. I rarely spent for myself. I was forever buying for others, picking up the tab, giving the best gift. I wanted recognition, approval and acceptance. That can create a lot of pressure.

I am learning that this "disease" starts with wanting to be a good person. You want to be liked. You want to be chosen first, never last. You respond to everyone's requests and just keep doing more and more with promptness and perfection.

After all, aren't we called to generosity out of hearts of gratitude and service? Isn't it selfish to always say "no"? Yes, but there is a huge difference between authentic service and using it as an opportunity to manipulate. The test is to ask "What's my motivation? Is my action pure, or is it a sneaky way to get something in return?"

Analyze your motivation. Before you say "yes" to anything, do a quick self-analysis. What am I doing this? Why am I buying this? What am I expecting in return? If you can answer "nothing in return," then your motivation is pure. If there's another answer, it's probably some form of manipulation.

Experts say that time is the best antidote for the disease to please, whether that's five minutes or five months. Never answer on the spot. Nothing is so urgent you cannot take time to think about it. Acting to please can be noble and gratifying as long as the decision to do so for the joy it brings, not for what you expect to get in return.